Christmas Card 2017
We took this family photo while we were wating to hear the final score of my recent cancer diagnosis.
Looking back 9 months, we tried to reassure the kids that everything would be alright. While, in addition, trying to calm our own deepest concerns of failing health. I remember how tired I was after this day, when we walked the lake for various photo ops, chased and encouraged 4 teenagers to cooperate. While putting on our best faces.
Two days later, we learned that I had an Occult Breast Cancer. Occult means hidden or tumorless. Only 2-5% of women experience breast cancer in this way. The risk is that the cancer is usually discovered when it moves to the lymph nodes, as was the case with me. Stage 3C, no grading is given for occult cancers. Very serious. No BRCA or genetic markers were found.
My oncologist gave me the 100 question interview regarding health history and lifestyle. No risky behavior. "I haven't even smoked a joint." Laughter ensued. I did everything right, she said.
This year has taught me that, life is short. We don't get to choose our life experiences. And sometimes the journey is unexpected, challenging, and unstable.
In times of severity, we look to those who surround us for love and support. For me, it came in so many unexpected ways. We were fairly new to our home and neighborhood. The love and care that I experienced was always given in the sincerest form. From those who've experienced cancer...education, warnings, and check-ins. Others gave acts of service that I could not have asked for, but were always a welcome meet. Family members, called daily and listened intently.
Many nights were spent with my face cupped in my hands on my feather pillow. Pleading with the Lord to offer peace and comfort to my children. Asking for strength was a common daily occurrence.
While growing teenaged bodies cuddled next to me in bed, falling asleep by my side......and peace came.
When I think of chemo, I think "headache," "brain fog," and "Nausea." When I think of radiation...I think "stinging skin," and "Fried to a crisp." When I think surgery.....I think I was blessed to have an Occult Cancer, because a mastectomy was not recommended.
I just finished treatments, 4 weeks ago. My hair is slowly growing in, my energies are coming back, and I feel like I've missed a year of family life. (And I have) My children are taller, bigger, and opinionated. They can do things, that I used to do for them. Like driving, and cooking dinners.
I'm looking forward to this year's Christmas picture. I'm hopeful that this season will be healthy and fast paced. I can't wait to spend more time with these kid of mine who spent everyday in my thoughts and prayers.
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